The Guy Next Door Vs. Guyliner: Who Will Win?

Ryan Seacrest’s words, not ours! Last night on American Idol it was all about final impressions — Adam Lambert and Kris Allen needed to pick the right songs and hit the right notes to remind us why we like them. They both did a good job, but it was pretty clear that Adam did a little bit better. (God, it pains us to say that.) From his reprise of “Mad World,” which he originally sang during the “Songs From the Year You Were Born” week, to a toned down Sam Cooke song, he took a slight edge over Kris, whose jammy style felt weaker by comparison. If you joined in our live American Idol blog you would have been there for all the fun and the impromptu drinking games (more on that in a sec), but for now, here are our highlights.

Adam’s Performances

Adam played the game smartly last night, he sang “Mad World” again, which was universally lauded the first time around and got the first-ever standing ovation from Simon Cowell. He also toned down the rock/glam aspect (okay, he sang “Mad World” while wearing a leather duster, surrounded by dry ice fog — he toned it down AFTER that) by singing “Change is Gonna Come,” a song chosen for him by show creator Simon Fuller. It was completely out of character but he handled it competently and the only way he knew how, with a few obligatory screeches. Paula loved it so much she threw an improv-mimed lasso around Adam though to rein him in and keep him locked up forever, presumably in the same dungeon where she keeps MC Skat Kat.

Kris’ Performances

We think the judges are slightly abusive, the way they throw out their love for the contestants one minute, then they coldly rescind it the next, then are like “Baby, shh, we didn’t mean it, you’re great again.” That’s how they treated Matt Giraud and Lil Rounds for the entire show, and it’s how they’ve been treating Kris lately. After he sang “Ain’t No Sunshine,” everyone was all “Wow, awesome, you moved me,” but when he fell a little flat on his coffeehouse-ish rendition of “What’s Goin’ On?” it was like “Kris who? How did he get here?” Y’all might as well just wear “Lambert Lover” T-shirts, judges. It’s hard to keep up with your wavering, just admit you don’t give a crap about Kris.

Kara’s Terrible Talents

This season’s finale single is “No Boundaries,” a terrible, cliche-riddled song written by Idol judge Kara DioGuardi. We’re clearly not Kara’s biggest fans (let’s just say that if Adam and Kara were in this finale, our winner would be Adam by a mile), but finally we got a chance to see her do what she does best and all we have to say is, is that it? “You can go higher! You can go deeper! Break every rule ’cause there’s nothing between you and your dreams …” These are lyrics suited for an 80’s sitcom theme. Or maybe … hang on: Perfect Strangers: Balki Takes New York. Yes! Our ears bled when Adam sang it and they wept when Kris had to sing it the second time. Even Kara herself told Kris he shouldn’t be judged on that song because it wasn’t right for him. Um, didn’t she write the song specifically for these two? Something’s rotten in the state of DioGuardi.

American Idol: The Drinking Game

We wish we had thought of this weeks ago, but last night with the help of some of our commenters, we realized that the show is a lot more palatable if you play the Idol Drinking Game. Drink any time one of the following things happens:

Kara DioGuardi uses the word “artist” or “artistry”
Kara DioGuardi raises and violently waves her arm
Kara DioGuardi vigorously points her finger for emphasis
Kara DioGuardi makes an “Oh girl, no you didn’t” hand motion
Adam sticks his tongue out
Kris sticks his tongue out [pic of Kris with tongue]
Kris’ legs take on a mind of their own and try to escape while dancing
You see a past-season Idol contestant in the audience
You see a famous person in the audience
The show runs long
Paula avoids answering a simple question
Randy tells someone they can sing the phone book

CHUG if:
You see SURI CRUISE in the audience!!
Simon gives a genuine compliment
You feel uncomfortable when Ryan makes a failed gay joke to Simon or vice versa

We know it’s a bit late in the season, but assuming Kara comes back next season, a lot of these will work next time around.

Final Thoughts:

Since we lost Allison Iraheta and Danny Gokey, our early faves, we’ve been rooting for Kris. After last night, it was pretty clear that Adam has it in the bag, he has a following and a persona and people seem to love the screeching. We’re not a fan, but truth be told, he’s just a stronger competitor than Kris. What do you guys think?