Ryan Seacrest told us early on last night that the final results might shock us, so right off the bat we knew that someone big, someone key to the entire Idol early prediction process, would face the judges. When it came down to Alexis Grace and Michael Sarver in the bottom two, it was Alexis who had gotten the lowest number of votes and had to sing for her young life. The oil-rigger was safe, but it’s okay because he pulled at our heartstrings earlier in the night talking about his daughter. After reprising “Jolene,” it turned out Alexis wasn’t worthy of the elusive Judges’ Save like all those blogs were saying. Maybe this show isn’t rigged after all. Wait a minute, rigged…oil-rigger…holy crap, is Michael Sarver this year’s American Idol?? Here’s our five favorite moments.

5. I’m A LITTLE Bit Country. But Not Much.

We’re not the worlds biggest country fans, and having a bunch of amateurs sing music they’re not thrilled about, arranged in ways we’ve never heard before can be trying. But the lesson we learned last night is that country music when done right can be good. Brad Paisley, who we’re not all that familiar with but who has a nice stage presence, performed “Then” (with no sitars), and later Carrie Underwood and Randy Travis debuted their duet “I Told You So” that was so good that it made a bird sit very still on Carrie’s head for the entire performance without flying away. Really though, it was nice to hear a couple of songs written and performed by people who really knew what they were doing in this genre and didn’t muck it up.

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Not even going to use an opening paragraph to preface this post. Adam Lambert. Oh my God. Insane. So wrong. Also, what were some of these kids wearing? But mostly, Adam Lambert. No. Words. Here are our top five moments.

5. Anoop Dogg Vs. Tender Dogg

Anoop Desai professed (not all that shockingly) that country wasn’t his forte during last night’s episode devoted to The Grand Ole Opry, but his especially tender version of “You Were Always On My Mind” will definitely get him through this round, we think. Even if he isn’t the next American Idol, his performance last night bridged a classic song with classic Anoop coolness and made him a serious contender again. Even Simon Cowell said Anoop’s was one of his favorite performances of the night. However we can’t discount Kris Allen, who is also still in the running to win Cute Guy Idol (Side-Mouth-Singing Division). Kris sang Garth Brooks’ “To Make You Feel My Love” and did the whole sitting-on-the-stool-to-bring-the-room-down-a-notch move. It worked, although the bright lights of the Idol studio created quite a glare off his wedding band and only emphasized the fact that it’s his wife who gets to feel his love. (Under the protection of their his-and-hers aprons, of course). Randy Jackson started calling Kris “Tender Dogg” (dawg? dog?) because of his sweet singing, a name we don’t like. All we can think of when we heard it is our worst Chinese food nightmares come true.

4. Wardrobe Malfunctions

These guys have stylists working with them, there is NO need for any of them to look bad. And yet, weekly, some of them can’t pull it together. Even Megan Joy (no more Corkrey? What, is she the John Cougar Mellencamp of this season?) who was dealing with the flu looked stunning, but we take issue with Danny Gokey, Alexis Grace and Anoop. Danny was dressed like a safari astronaut this week. (And seriously, he changed his glasses again this week. We’ve heard of Transitions Lenses but maybe he invented Transitions Frames, the frames that adjust to your outfit?) Then Alexis Grace was dressed up to look like a child who got into her mother’s sequins and Manic Panic drawer, she looked so tiny and overdone. And, much as we love Anoop Dogg, we have to say that in the same way that Willie Nelson owns “You Were Always On My Mind,” Ellen DeGeneres owns the hoodie and blazer look.

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The New York Daily News reports that an American Idol staffer is telling people that the show’s creators have already chosen this season’s top four—allegedly Danny Gokey, Alexis Grace, Adam Lambert and Lil Rounds—despite the fact that there are still eleven contestants that, well, America gets to choose from.

Those ARE the people…Adam Lambert and Lil Rounds are better singers and musicians than Gokey and Grace, but they’re too much like past winners and ‘A’ successes…The producers really want it to be Danny or Alexis. They think they’re very commercially viable, have a good image and a great story.

Fox had no comment, and—even with rumors of producers stacking the deck with strategic song-shuffling—it’s hard to believe anyone could guarantee who makes the cut. Producers probably didn’t want Jason “I Shot The Sheriff, Presumably While High” Castro in last year’s final four instead of Carly “Randy Jackson’s BFF” Smithson. Likewise, photos of Lambert being out and about could make him less popular with middle America than Michael “Jesus Built My Oilrig” Sarver or Scott “Blind Faith” MacIntyre. While the “fixed” four are definite front-runners, you never know what could happen over the next month—just ask Joanna Pacitti.

Turns out America doesn’t give a crap about you no matter how uplifting your English as a Second Language backstory is or how many gorgeous sisters you have back in Mississippi. The two finalists sent home last night on American Idol’s first finals results show were Jorge Núñez and Jasmine Murray who proved they just couldn’t satisfy America’s taste for the King of Pop. Pack your bags and say goodbye to the insane Hollywood mansion we got a glimpse of last night, kids. No more black light bowling or steam room for you guys. As sad as their departures may be, we still found five choice moments to discuss.

5. The Judges’ Save

After announcing that Jorge was eliminated from the competition, Ryan Seacrest told him “I’m going to have you sing while the judges chat,” presumably about whether or not Jorge deserved “The Judges’ Save,” which is the new twist to season 8. Seacrest explained that the judges would allow one “save” this season in case someone they thought was worthy needed a second chance after being voted off. There will be only one save, it must be unanimous, and the week after the save, two people will be eliminated to make up for it. We LOVE that Ryan even bothered to tell us that during Jorge’s performance the judges would “deliberate” in case they deemed him save-worthy, because while Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell appeared chatty, uh, Paula Abul and Kara DioGuardi not so much. Paula was on her feet the whole time. But of course we know Paula expresses herself through dance.

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Aside from the over-the-top entrance by the judges at the top of the show, and the obvious sale on glitter at Sally Beauty Supply (it was swept liberally across all the girls’ eyes, Kara DioGuardi’s arms and Paula Abdul’s upper half — where she wasn’t enveloped in plumage), there wasn’t a lot of flash in last night’s American Idol. Considering the show was devoted to Michael Jackson, a man known for his sequins and sparkle, it was kind of a bummer. The big question is why would anyone sing a lesser-known Michael Jackson song? The man has 13 number one singles, why couldn’t each contestant take one? We’re looking at you, Scott MacIntyre. Here are five moments we loved from last night’s show.

5. The Battle of the Backstories

Our first favorite moment was actually several, let’s call it the battle of the backstories. We’ve run hot and cold on some contestants, but seeing their families root them on melted our hearts a little. We saw a lot of hardships being endured and a lot of familial love, like Scott MacIntyre, who has a sister who is also visually impaired, Lil Rounds‘ family of five, displaced due to a tornado, Megan Joy Corkrey and Alexis Grace’s babies, and Jorge Núñez who even went so far as to say that since the death of his grandfather, his being on the show has helped his family stay together. No pressure there, America.  While we learned something new about many of the contestants (Kris Allen is married? He and his wife have matching aprons???) the real question is will any of this have an impact on the voting?

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Alexis Grace has only been in the limelight for a few weeks, but she’s already taken one of the trappings of singing stardom: an alter ego. In the tradition of Mimi, Dita, Damita Jo and Sasha Fierce, Grace told reporters in a conference call that while she’s a buttoned-down mom behind the scenes (”I’m a big fan of Scrabble and Scattegories, just to ease the tension a little bit”), she “might have a bit of an alter ego on stage.” Embellishing the idea for Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, she referred to this persona as “Miss Grace.” You have to wonder how her husband feels about her pretending she’s not married when she sings.

Odds that Alexis will bring up “Miss Grace” when the Top 12 finally kicks off in a few weeks? Pretty damn good. And if the judges don’t want to practice a double standard, they should give her all the grief they gave Nick Mitchell and his alter ego, Norman Gentle. What, are only women allowed to have a fantasy persona? Unfair!

One works on an oil rig, the other is a recent widow. But only on can be your American Idol…or neither, if one of the other ten contestants in the Top 12 wins. While the show is still a singing competition, it never hurts to have a touching story for fans to identify with and admire. The producers know it, and based on Danny Gokey and Michael Sarver’s comments to the press, they know it too.

Music became important to Sarver when “things were really tough.”  And with the state of the economy, we might all need a little music right now. “It’s tough,” says Sarver. “I think real life people can relate to me. In the economy that we live, it’s really hard on a lot of people. You see someone rise out of the ashes. To see someone rise and succeed, people relate to that. It’s special to their hearts.”

“Ashes”? Sounds like someone’s less fond of working class life than they let on. But can Sarver’s blue collar work ethic give people as much hope as Gokey’s triumph over recent loss?

People will think it’s too much, but it’s only been seven months since [my wife] passed. It’s not that I throw it in people’s faces, but I get asked about it all the time. Everyone wants to hear what I have to say. It weighs on my mind. But it’s a story I don’t want. It’s a sob story I don’t want … but it’s also causing hope for a lot of people.  I didn’t want to live anymore after she passed. [But] now I have my mission set in stone.

With these two so self-aware about their “message” (”I work on an oil rig” and “a hero lies in you,” respectively), it’s surprising Alexis Grace hasn’t talked about her father allegedly needing money for a heart transplant. Maybe she wants the focus on her talent…or maybe she doesn’t want to blow her sympathy wad too soon.

[Photo: Getty Images]